The Top 20:

1. Alexandria, VA

2. Miami, FL

3. Cambridge, MA

4. Ann Arbor, MI

5. Berkeley, CA

6. Gainesville, FL

7. Arlington VA

8. Salt Lake City, UT

9. Pittsburgh, PA

10. Orlando, FL

11. Washington, DC

12. Bellevue, WA

13. Seattle, WA

14. Richmond, VA

15. Cincinatti, OH

16. Knoxville, TN

17. Columbia, MO

18. Tallahassee, FL

19. Columbia, SC

20. Atlanta, GA

Congratulations to the winners. Now get off the Internet and start making love.

Certainly Amazon realizes that almost all the winners are major college towns.

Except, of course, for Alexandria and Arlington, which is where a lot of politicians live.

Police in Florence, South Carolina, arrested registered sex offender Michael Shawn Kelley last week for looking up women’s skirts while they were shopping.

Kelley, 27, faces four peeping tom charges, Police Maj. Carlos Raines said.

Police say Kelley has been doing his thing at Books-A-Million and two local Wal-Mart SuperCenters.

SCNow.com reports the first case of peepery happened happened last month when Kelley entered a Wal-Mart women’s restroom and peeked under the stalls.

How subtle? Hard to believe he would get caught.

Peepery No. 2 happened a few days later at the same place. Peepery No. 3 was at a different Wal-Mart (share the love, baby) and Peepery No. 4 occurred at a Books-A-Million, where instead of quietly reading, Kelley entered the women’s restroom, stood on a toilet seat and peeked over into the next stall.

All that bending down must have hurt his back.

Investigators are urging businesses to report this kind of activity to police, Raines said.

Really? Businesses wouldn’t come to that conclusion on their own.

Kelley, who’s not new to this course of action, was convicted in October 2005 of a peeping tom/aggravated voyeurism charge and in August 2006 for a first-offense sex offender registry violation.

He remains in custody peeping through prison bars, where Bubba can watch him on the toilet.

masturbation by bhk on Flickr

It’s not that difficult to find a private place to masturbate.

Women can do it almost anywhere. Men need a little more room and perhaps some paper towels.

Breaking and entering really isn’t necessary.

Yet the Charlotte Observer reports that a 70-year-old Conway, S.C., woman called police after she found someone had broken into her home and had sex in her front room.

It isn’t clear whether it was one person or two.

But nothing was taken. Something, however, was left.

Ick.

Greg Ethridge, of South Carolina, has been sent to jail for trying to have sex with a 13-year-old girl.

When Ethridge was arrested, WIS TV reports,  police say he told them he was a youth minister at the First Baptist Church of Irmo.

The church is saying otherwise.

Gee, you think.

Ethridge was arrested in Greenville after police say he tried to lure a 13-year-old girl there for sex via e-mail. That precocious teen was actually Greenville Police Detective Rick Floyd. Floyd says Ethridge used a YouTube Video of him singing praise and a Facebook page to entice the “girl.”

Ethridge may face more charges. Another report accuses him of kissing a 15-year-old girl on several occasions at church.

How creepy is this dude?

The alleged hooker was taken into custody about 5:25 a.m. yesterday, after police noticed her tight clothing and repeated approaches to a truck. When both woman and man were detained, the old guy told police she had agreed to blow him for $10. She denied it.

You know, if an old man needs action so bad that he’s driving around before dawn looking for a ho and he finds one willing to get him off for $10, that seems like a time police should look the other way.