February 8th, 2010

Reverend takes in young sinners and sins with ‘em

What’s become more common, teachers who have affairs with students or youth counselors who get a tad too close to the kids they’re allegedly trying to help?

The Detroit News reports that Rev. Russell Schaller, 35, a minister who has a reputation for reaching out to troubled teens and taking them into his home, has been charged  with six counts of third-degree criminal sexual conduct for allegedly having sex with an under-aged boy.

“There have been other accusations over the years from other communities around here,” said River Rouge Police Chief Robert Alderman. “Now that he’s locked up, we believe others will step forward. We definitely believe there are other victims. In our initial contact with him, he told an officer, ‘Age ain’t nothing but a number to me.’ ”

Which Bible verse is that again?

Schaller describes himself on his Internet site as “different” from other religious types.

Well, he’s different from the good ones.



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February 8th, 2010

Hire a babysitter you sick bastard

Michael Abdallah of Buffalo remains behind bars after pleading not guilty to second-degree rape, unlawful imprisonment and custodial interference.

Abdallah, 26, allegedly imprisoned a 13-year-old runaway in his home for six months to a year, had sex with her a few times a week AND made her baby-sit his 1-year-old son.



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February 8th, 2010

Man enters synagogue to prey . . . upon children

Orlando Colon, Jr. of Rochester, NY, has been charged with first-degree sexual abuse for going into Temple Beth David and sexually abusing a nine-year-old girl, as well as exposing himself to several other children.

For some reason, WHAM13 pointed out that police say Colon was not a member of the synagogue.

February 8th, 2010

Amazon proves it – Virginia really is for lovers

In honor of Valentine’s Day, Amazon.com has compiled a list of the Top 20 romantic cities in America. They figured this out by tabulating sales data of romance novels; sex and relationship books; romantic comedy DVDs; Barry White CDs; and sexual wellness products for the month of January, on a per capita basis.

The Top 20:

1. Alexandria, VA

2. Miami, FL

3. Cambridge, MA

4. Ann Arbor, MI

5. Berkeley, CA

6. Gainesville, FL

7. Arlington VA

8. Salt Lake City, UT

9. Pittsburgh, PA

10. Orlando, FL

11. Washington, DC

12. Bellevue, WA

13. Seattle, WA

14. Richmond, VA

15. Cincinatti, OH

16. Knoxville, TN

17. Columbia, MO

18. Tallahassee, FL

19. Columbia, SC

20. Atlanta, GA

Congratulations to the winners. Now get off the Internet and start making love.

Certainly Amazon realizes that almost all the winners are major college towns.

Except, of course, for Alexandria and Arlington, which is where a lot of politicians live.

February 8th, 2010

Thanksgiving no longer for gays

Seeking to make itself more inclusive, the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA) has decided to allow non-celibate gay clergy and recognize same-sex couples.

The open-mindedness has caused a bit of a rift. What is Jesus’s love, after all, if not a tool to exclude people we may not like.

In Nebraska and Iowa, for instance, where there are lots of Lutherans, a bunch of churches are voting to part with the ELCA, maybe to form a DLCA (Discriminatory Lutheran Church of America).

The first Nebraska church to bolt, the poorly-named Thanksgiving! Lutheran Church in Bellevue.

Skien Lutheran Church in Sloan, Iowa, is also expected to part ways with the mother church.

Newsflash: Some of your clergy are already gay. So are some of your fellow Lutherans.

Source: Southwest Iowa News

February 8th, 2010

Eva Longoria Parker wants to pimp hubby, instead pimps porn site

These computers, one wrong keystroke can give you a stroke.

GossipCop reported that “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria Parker wanted to send her Twitter followers to her husband Tony Parker’s page but left a 9 out of @tpnetwork.

That would be the Titanium Porn Network.

“Oh, nooo! I put the wrong twitter site for my husband,” Eva re-tweeted. “It’s @tp9network. The one I put earlier goes to some porn site!!! Don’t use it!”

Too late. 

February 8th, 2010

Kinky Moments’ first endorsement of 2010: Kristin Davis for Governor of New York

Kristin Davis, the former Manhattan Madam (not the “Sex and the City” star) has decided to run for governor of New York, where she indirectly was involved in the removal of former Governor Eliot Spitzer.

CBS News says this candidacy is not a joke.

“I was valedictorian of my high-school class,” Davis told a recent Libertarian convention. “I worked 10 years in finance. I was vice president of a hedge fund. I went on to build a multimillion-dollar business from scratch.” 

When men had an itch, she scratched.

Davis also has political advisor Roger Stone (Nixon, Reagan, Bush) working for her.

“I want to get her a half-million votes,” Stone told the New York Daily News

Come on, Roger, that’s not enough to win. If you’re in it, you win it.

Davis is a fiscal conservative who’s anti-tax and for legalizing prostitution and marijuana. She believes the two businesses could bring in $2.6 billion in revenue (much of which is now going to junkies and organized crime). 

Stone says Davis has a nicely-shaped leg up on the competition because “she has nothing to hide.” 

We agree. If the last few years have shown us anything, all politicians are whores AND they suck at it. Kristin Davis knows how to give the people what they want and you’ll still respect her in the morning.

February 8th, 2010

Ill. Lt. Gov. candidate exits race; ex-girlfriend he beat was also prostitute

February 8th, 2010

Dear John, Don’t call cops after seeing hooker

A New Jersey man called police when a woman he was giving a ride to stole his cell phone.

He told the cops he gave the woman a ride because she looked cold and he was being nice.

What he didn’t tell police was that he had just paid her $65 to blow him while he parked at a cemetery.

Details, details.

The cops found the woman and the man’s phone. She was arrested on charges of theft and prostitution. He was just arrested on a prostitution charge.

Source: Daily Journal

February 8th, 2010

Scam show host knows way to man’s wallet is through her chest

“Women are sexy and we use our bodies all the time. We don’t even realize we’re doing it. I’ve used my boobs, my legs, my bum… I wear a lot of skimpy stuff in the show, but I am 30FF, after all. You could probably swing someone round in my bra!”

- Jessica-Jane Clement of BBC3’s “The Real Hustle,” to Zoo magazine